The Midlife Shift: Dealing with Social Anxiety in Your 40s

The Midlife Shift: Dealing with Social Anxiety in Your 40s: Have you ever come across one of those blog posts that seems like it could’ve popped right out of your own head? Like, every word just clicks into place? That makes you think, ‘Goodness me, that’s exactly what I go through! That’s exactly what happened to me recently when I came across a post about social anxiety. Suddenly, it all clicked: the overthinking, the pre-event thoughts, the post-event replay – it wasn’t just “me being me,” it was social anxiety.

In my 20s and 30s, social gatherings were a breeze. I’d jump at any chance to be out and about, embrace any adventure, even a tipsy, drunken night out – no hesitation! Heck, I even moved to a whole new country – new language, new family, new friends, new colleagues. I had to force myself out of my comfort zone, couldn’t just hide in the corner. Not that I wanted to, of course! But now, things are different. Social events trigger a whole roller coaster of emotions. An invitation arrives a meet-up is arranged and I’m all “Yay! Sounds like fun!” But that excitement quickly gets hijacked by this relentless inner voice: “Small talk? What if I ramble on? What if I say something stupid?” Could this shift be because of my hormones acting up again? I know I keep on about them, but they’re definitely changing things up in my brain!

The Inner Critic’s Chorus: Why Can’t I Just Relax and Enjoy Myself?The Big Day: From Nervous Energy to Relief

The closer the event gets, the more the self-doubt spirals. Intrusive thoughts like “Please don’t say anything strange!” become a constant loop in my head, even though I know they’re irrational. Ditching the alcohol (no more regrettable comments, and let’s face it, it doesn’t do me any favours anymore) hasn’t stopped these anxieties. It’s like my brain is stuck on a loop, even though I’m confident about my outfit and myself.

But then, something magical happens. Once I’m there, the anxiety starts to fade. Conversations flow, connections are made, and the initial fear melts away. Leaving the event, I’m often surprised by how much fun I had. “What was I even worried about?” I think.

The Post-Event Replay: Anxiety’s Cruel Encore

Unfortunately, the social anxiety doesn’t end there. Later that night, the overthinking monster rears its ugly head. Every conversation gets replayed, dissected, and scrutinised. Did I laugh too loud? Did I interrupt someone? These anxieties, often unfounded, fuel self-doubt and leave me questioning whether anyone actually enjoys my company.

Breaking the Cycle: Hope and Connection

Despite the post-event anxieties, the next morning brings a glimmer of hope. A text arrives: “It was so great to see you!” Relief washes over me. These positive interactions remind me that the fear often outweighs reality.

Sharing My Story: You’re Not Alone

This experience is more common than we think. Social anxiety can strike at any age, and it can manifest differently for everyone. By sharing my story, I hope to connect with others who struggle with similar anxieties. You’re not alone.

Tips:

• Set realistic expectations: Don’t aim to be the life of the party right away. Focus on small goals, like introducing yourself to one new person.
• Challenge negative thoughts: When self-doubt creeps in, identify those thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
• Be kind to yourself: Social anxiety is a common struggle. Focus on self-compassion and acceptance.
• Seek professional help: If social anxiety significantly interferes with your daily life, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.

Remember, managing social anxiety is a journey, and it takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.